Buffybot strikes back
by vamprincess1986
Summary: I'm making it up as I go along, so far there's buffybot with tunes stuck in her head, spike despairing about this and the real Buffy, now he's in trouble as a result of Buffy's carelessness in the cemetary. Give it a read ya know ya want to...
1. chapta 1

Dressed in an opaque nightdress writhing around against the wall, Buffy gyrates over onto the settee next to Spike  
  
Buffy hey big boy, give me some sexual pleasure  
Come down here, I'm gonna ask you whether  
You're the one  
The one I have always longed for  
I'm a silly slayer and I'm gonna gonna lay ya  
  
As she mocks mambo italiano, she does a sexy dance  
  
Spike Don't be so obscene  
  
Willow Aw give her a break will ya, she's been licking your feet all day  
  
Buffy I couldn't help it, they tasted so good  
  
Xander Sick sick sick  
  
Spike Hey I resent that!  
  
Buffy Hey sad boy, give us some privacy  
Leave my house, or you'll answer tooo meee  
You're the one  
The one who always bothers me  
I'm an evil slayer and I'm gonna, gonna kill ya  
  
Xander Okay, okay, I'm gone  
  
Spike That was unnecessary, unnecessary but goooooooood  
  
Buffy Thank you, now get your ass into that bed, and remove your underwear, and  
All else that will block the path of my vagina.  
  
Giles Spike run, run for the hills  
  
Buffy Hey old man, don't be infuriating  
I'm a bitch, and you'll listen to me sing  
If you don't  
You will hear your ears ring  
Cos when I get angry  
I recommend that you flee  
  
Spike For Christ's sake, will someone fix that stupid bot's wiring and remove that  
Tune I can't take it any more, program in another if you have to.  
  
Willow Okay (gets up, crosses over to Buffybot) I'll program in another, what do  
Reckon? Vengaboys?  
  
Spike Which one?  
  
(Music starts playing)  
  
Buffy/bot Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom,  
Get into that room  
I can bend to various positions  
And It will mean your doom  
  
Spike No! For heavens sake No!  
  
Willow Right (fiddles around a bit more)  
  
Buffy/bot I'm just a little bot you see  
But you haven't seen the good side of me  
I can have sex, gyrate  
I can never break  
And I do all this for you for free.  
  
Spike Oh I'm going out, let me know when that thing has something sensible to  
Say. 


	2. chapta 2

Spike walks through the park all alone when the real Buffy runs up behind him  
  
Buffy Spike you git  
  
Spike Whoa, what's wrong luv  
  
Buffy You know damn well what's wrong, I just passed by my house to find that I'd already arrived, that bot's up and about isn't...it.  
  
Spike Okay okay, yeah, Will' fixed it, she wanted to program some tunes into her memory, don't ask why, I asked that and I nearly got the evil side of her temper.  
  
Buffy I don't believe this, that bot's more trouble than it's worth, it doesn't need singing lessons it needs a lesson on social ability.  
  
It needs a fully functioning brain.  
  
Spike yeah...right...what are the chances of that?  
  
Buffy Very slim, but surely we don't need that thing running around again  
  
Spike Oh... well how I remember it, she wasn't doing much running, it was more of a...how shall I put this?...Straddling motion.  
  
(Buffy slaps him)  
  
Buffy Spike you're sick.  
  
Spike Fine, that may be so, but at least I can please a person  
  
(walks away)  
  
Buffy (calls after him) that's right walk away, that's all you're good for, you don't stay and face your problems, you run off and get yourself into trouble, from which, by the way, I will NOT be saving you from this time.  
  
(Back at the house)  
  
Willow Okay, I think were good now  
  
Buffy/bot HEY mambo  
  
mambo italiano  
  
Willow I hope Spike's happy now, that was the worst hour of my life (sits down)  
  
(Spike enters the room)  
  
Spike Any better?  
  
Buffy/bot Hi spike, how was your walk?  
  
Spike Just DANDY.  
  
Willow what happened?  
  
Spike I ran into Buffy, I mean, the real Buffy, y'know, the bitch with all the answers.  
  
Willow Oh, you didn't tell her did you?  
  
Spike didn't need to, she caught the live broadcast, and then she comes complaining to me, about Bot's insanity.  
  
Buffy/bot I don't have insanity, I think I'm unintelligent now.  
  
Spike (sighs)  
  
Willow I'll fix it, I'll fix it  
  
Spike Oh, don't bother, she'll only screw up again...Buffy's right, the only thing bot here needs is a brain transplant. 


	3. chapta 3

Buffy (real Buffy) walks through the cemetery, stake in her hand when Xander runs up beside her.  
  
Xander you Ok?  
  
Buffy Fine, where's Spike?  
  
Xander Dunno, he came back to your house and agreed with you on something, then took off again.  
  
Buffy He actually agreed with me, what on?  
  
Xander The bot's insanity!  
  
Buffy well, that's good news isn't it; I was beginning to think that he still had feelings for the little loser.  
  
Xander Um Buffy...  
  
Buffy shshush  
  
Xander it's not the...  
  
Buffy shut up Xander. I'm working  
  
Xander he never loved the... he loved you  
  
Buffy Don't remind me, don't ever bring up that subject in public again, you never know who's listening.  
  
(In the bushes, there's rustling, two vamps are listening)  
  
Vamp 1 Spike  
  
Vamp 2 In love with the slayer  
  
(both grin evilly)  
  
Vamp 1 I think I know how to kill the slayer  
  
Vamp 2 Get her on her own  
  
Vamp 1 Lure her into a trap  
  
together We need Spike 


	4. chapta 4

(Buffy and Xander arrive home)  
  
Willow Buffy, please, don't be mad  
  
Buffy/bot (happily) Hi there  
  
Willow I was bored...and...And... I just wanted to y'know fiddle.  
  
Buffy Willow just let me tell you one thing  
  
Willow Yeah sure what is it  
  
Buffy Next time you want to fiddle... Don't  
  
(everyone goes silent)  
  
(Back outside walking through the town there's Spike talking with another Vamp)  
  
Spike y'know, it wasn't my idea Roliaw, I didn't ask to feel this way  
  
Roliaw Don't worry about it, I had really strong feelings for that slayer you killed during the boxer rebellion, but then you killed her and the feelings just... went.  
  
Spike I am sorry about that y'know  
  
Roliaw Hey, it's in the past, anyway, you have a soul now, so, I don't think you need me to make you feel bad about who and what you killed in your time.  
  
Spike I just wish Buffy'd stop seething about me killing people, she still hasn't forgiven me for letting Dru kill that Kendra girl.  
  
Roliaw who's that then?  
  
Spike oh, just another slayer, long story, not worth discussing.  
  
Roliaw Well I'll see you later then, nearly morning, gotta get back, I recommend that you do the same. (Leaves)  
  
Spike continues walking alone through the streets, he turns a corner and comes face to face with five vamps)  
  
Spike Evenin' all, I take it you're not here to welcome me to your gang then?  
  
Vamp 1 Not at all. 


	5. chapta 5

(Back at Buffy's house)  
  
Buffy- Do you know what I feel like right now? Sex... and not just the regular kinda sex, cos let's face it, romping about under a mass of bed sheets may sound like a good time, steamy and perspiration everywhere, but the truth is... it's just not that fulfilling.  
  
Xander- (stares at Buffy in shock)  
  
Willow- (opens her mouth as if to say something but then changes her mind and looks thoughtful)  
  
Buffy- Don't look at me that way... I'm bored, until I said that, no one had spoken for half an hour.  
  
Willow- (sighs in relief) So, You didn't mean it?  
  
Buffy- What? Willow, are you crazy?  
  
Xander- (breathes a sigh of relief)  
  
Buffy- Of course I meant it, what girl right now, doesn't want steamy, passionate, pulse racing, raunchy sex these days?  
  
Xander- (faints)  
  
Buffy- Xander?  
  
Willow- (matter of factly) I think you broke him! 


End file.
